As a person with StPD, we're often faced with times when we worry about everything. We concern ourselves with things like gossip or who is talking about who or things like a certain chain of events that sets of a catastrophic series of events. We find ourselves asking questions on things like making statements on things about situations being crafted to fit us specifically or see things that appear to be signs that somehow send us subliminal messages. Our perceptions are viewed as odd and eccentric because they do not conform to what is considered to be the traditional "train of thought" For us, the paranoia is real. It's ever present. Always there. Some say that it's a product of our own minds. I have to debate the word "product" because for us we do not see it as a "product." We see it as an emotion. It's an emotion that we are not able to handle well. The Paranoia stems from the many negative experiences that we have had in dealing with the normal world. The part where the word "product" applies is our reactions to situations as they present before us. How are we going to react to this? How are we going to react to that? We ask these questions often. What are we going to do if this happens or that?
If a situation ends with a negative conclusion most of the time it begins to develop a pattern of normalcy. The pattern of normalcy will be the criteria that is used in shaping the perceptions of a Schizotypal. We will begin to believe that this is how this is supposed to be and "it is what it is"
We want to control a situation all the time but we come up short and we fail. Most of the time it wasn't for lack of trying it was in the understanding.
All our doubts and all of our lack of confidence and self esteem draw from our understandings of the situation. If the situation does not go well, we will not be thinking positive thoughts on it. Some situations are able to bore us mightily and we loose interest in them pretty quick as well.
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Dear Mike,
ReplyDeleteAll this is very interesting and I'm really grateful that you're posting it. My mother has schizophrenia but I find it difficult to talk to her about it. I hope that as I read more of your posts I'll be able to understand her and maybe encourage her to build up her self-esteem in such a way that she doesn't need to be focused on her own way of seeing the world all the time.
Do you find that you tend to think in general terms or in specific terms? In other words whenever something (good or bad) happens to you, do you tend to think about how people in general feel when that sort of thing happens to them or do you tend to think about how it made you feel?